or like this?
felt like you just want to scream? let it out??
yesterday was one of those days for me. i'm just trying to put it behind me and find ways to move forward. the problem is - i'm a worrier. if you kind of know me, you think i'm super laid back. if you really know me, you'll know that i worry and stress. almost to the point where it is just ridiculous. it stops me from getting a good night's rest, being the happy person i want to be and i worry that my worrying will make me be less of a mother. see - i can worry about worrying! i have issues.
here's what i really want to write about and coincidentally erin and amy are wrote a "getting real" blog yesterday and i just couldn't believe what perfect timing it was. we all like to blog about bubblegum and rainbows but sometimes life is hard. sometimes that bad comes with the good. so, i'm going to join in and tell you about what's been heavy on my heart.
worrying. what happens is when i get really stressed i worry about everything and therefore things that shouldn't be a concern get too much attention and things that should have priority get lumped into the same hat as everything else. i tend to worry for days and then go numb. it's not healthy. or proactive. i create a rut for myself. it's definitely a huge vice of mine. i've even thought about counseling to get some sort of peace. to talk about the things i cannot control and need to stress less about versus the things that i can take proactive steps to making the stressful things in my life change. i thought a non-bias, third party point-of-view would be a good person for me to bounce ideas off and help me to separate and prioritize the daily stresses that wear me out. well, simply because in the end it worrying doesn't help. during this last fight with some catalysts that lead to a stress meltdown, i've tried to take a different approach. i've tried to look at the positive. i've tried to look at the good side of the situation. i've tried to share some of my load with my husband but mainly with God. i know that i cannot handle it on my own. i know that i do not want to handle it all on my own. i am finding reassurance in knowing that with prayer, faith and proactive actions i can overcome this stressful cycle. next week will be new. next year will be new. i'll have different stresses all the time. i just know that i need to find a balance in having the stressful times not suck the life out of my wonderful times.
now, i know this was a downer post for me but you know what? i feel good. i'm a real person with real feelings. at times they may be too sensitive but at least i feel something. this week i've really wished i could stay at home with james. i like my job. i like my company. and i really like most all my coworkers but lately some aspect of my work environment have made me very stressed. so in being proactive, i would really like to win powerball. i haven't bought a ticket yet but i know what i'd do with the money. so, if you'll pray for me to win this week - i'll get your back next week and pray for you. deal?