well, i am embarrassed. right before i left for the okc marathon, i hid my dslr camera. no one would be home and i wasn't going to take it with me. i just figured, if someone is going to peek through my windows or something creepy like that, i might as well keep the temptation to a minimum. so, i packed it away. and i didn't pull it out until yesterday! what??!! i know. this baffles me as well.

yesterday morning we were playing in our pajamas and bed head. i noticed we had some good sunlight coming through the windows so i jumped to grab my camera from the perch that i normally leave it on and bam! i realized that it was still hidden. i surprised myself. and not in a good way. but i'm back and ready to document my daily life.

here is some bed head. 

james isn't quite sure about his tricycle. the great part about it is that as soon as he shows interest, he'll keep playing and playing until he figures it out. no, not necessarily the same day but i know that one day he'll love it.

though he was smiling and having a good time, this is the closest i came to capturing his sweet grin this time.

don't worry. my camera has been dusted off and i'm back at it. i've already taken some sweet sleeping snaps today.



entry fee to okc marathon - $110

hotel room - $174.99

one night of internet to blog - $12.95

setting a PR through the wind, rain and hail - priceless

i didn't take my phone on me during this run. i normally don't run with my phone anyway but i wasn't going to brave the storm with my phone. i was hoping it wouldn't rain. ha. as we were walking out of the hotel to get to the start line, people were rushing back inside. they delayed the start due to rain and lightening. really? yes. and i was about to run in it. we pulled out the emergency ponchos and chatted until it was time to leave...again.

as i walked to the start, i couldn't help but think this wasn't smart. what was i doing? am i trained for this anyway? if you know me, you know that i was feeling a little insecure about this one. i just didn't feel physically or mentally prepared. one day it was eight weeks away and then i blinked and it was the next weekend. part of me wanted to run the half marathon (13.1 miles) to see how i had improved my time over this past year but the other part wanted to run one more full. i was training. not very aggressively but i had run up to 19 miles. i had put my time out there around miscellaneous injures and mysterious aches and pains but i just didn't know if i was strong enough to handle it. the last time, austin, i kind of, well, sucked. i had a break down. i cracked. i met the wall. and i didn't want to meet him again.

the cut off for internet sign up was monday, april 25th at noon. i still hadn't signed up by sunday night. i was still undecided. should i do what my head tells me to or my heart. in my heart i wanted to run a good full marathon. i wanted to feel the high. i wanted to get the blues out of my head. as i was laying in bed, i was restless. i couldn't stop thinking about it. time ticked by and i just kept thinking but not making any progress. i was nervous i would be busy at work and wouldn't be able to make my final decision and pay my dues. almost involuntary, i got out of bed, grabbed my mac and my wallet. i went to the website, signed up for the full and went pleasantly to bed. 

i'm so glad i did too. last week at work was ridiculous. i used ridiculous because i can't think of another word to describe the workload and stress i had to endure. it kept me so busy and exhausted that i didn't have time to think about my upcoming run. i didn't have time to pump myself up or talk myself down. it was just a fact that i was leaving town around noon on saturday to meet in oklahoma city to pick up my packet. mr. h was leaving town on thursday so my nights were busy too. being a lone parent really makes me appreciate how hard single, working moms have in their daily life. i respect them, immensely. anyway, i'm just telling you - this run, to me, was so big but wasn't getting any time for me to build speculations on the outcome.

this was also the first marathon that i've been so solo. plans fell through and i just wasn't going to quit. to be honest, i was nervous but i wasn't scared. well, except for the drive once in oklahoma city. and i should have been - i got lost on my way to the hotel. damn. anyway, i had reserved two rooms and had a run buddy and her husband meeting me at the hotel and another long time turtle about 20 minutes behind me on the highway. even though i was physically alone, i didn't feel it. i felt supported. and at peace.

this was a conversation between me and mr. h as i drove to okc. he asked if i was there yet. i sent the picture of myself driving. don't worry. i was watching the road. you just can't tell because of my shades.

i cried.

not long. but i definitely got teary eyed.

it made me feel confident. just the confidence i needed.